Leaky Eyes

Tonight I have leaky eyes.

It has been a rough week. We lost a close family member. It was hard.

I was home with the children and the add-ons, and the taxi-mom schedule while my husband was bedside with his family. I was part of the blow-by-blow and the phone support, and the 'you're a nurse, what does this mean?' but I never got to say good-bye.

I wish I had.

And now that the funeral plans are made and the dust is settling I have the leaky eyes.

Tomorrow I will have to revert to being the support person. I will have to work on helping our eldest son through his first funeral or supporting him in his decision not to attend and to try not to put too much pressure on him either way. I will have to support our eldest daughter while her heart breaks as she watches her father and grandfather cry over the loss of their Uncle and Brother. I will have to distract and entertain the little children who will not understand fully why everyone is so sad, and who will be devastated when they do.

And through it all I must remember that this is not about me and my sorrow. I must find a way to put my expressions of grief aside, at least for now, and be there for those whose need is more.

But tonight I have leaky eyes.